If I call to you, my love, will you come and comfort me? If I ask, will you comply though I give no reasons why? Will you lasso the moon for me,
sway it to calm my stormy seas? Lasso the moon for me.
Sway it to calm my stormy seas.
Then the sun will shine just for me,
And I will bathe in a pool of your serenity, I will bask in the light of your love.
Will you follow every star,
yet leave a trail to where you are?
Will you venture there and ask that I come too?
If I call to you, my love, will you come and comfort me?
– Sherry Blevins
I composed this piece during my experience at the CORO Composer’s Institute at Simpson College in Indianola, Iowa. Until this time, I had shied away composing more advanced pieces – mostly because there are fewer oppor- tunities to conduct them since I love teaching and working with young people, and I tend to conduct younger choirs the most. However, the CORO Vocal Artists are comprised of professional vocalists from around the United States and they are phenomenal singers! The opportunity to compose something unique and advanced intrigued me, so I set out to find my reason for writing this work.
At this point in my life, I was struggling with persistent anxiety. As much as my rational brain knew that I was safe, loved, and had no reason to feel that way, my anxiety brain didn’t care. If you struggle with anxiety, you know that it feels as though you are in constant fight or flight. For me, it was flight – the desire to escape the turmoil that I had somehow created in my own mind. The fear was at times, paralyzing.
Luckily for me, I have someone who loved me through this difficult time. Since we’ve met, she has been my best friend, my companion, my champion, my greatest support, my comfort, and now, my wife. She inspires me every day to keep striving for more and to be more myself than I ever imagined. This piece is for her.
“If I Call to You, My Love” asks questions and makes demands. The first part of the piece describes how I felt when I was consumed with anxiety and craving comfort from the one person who could truly provide it. I wanted her to wrap her arms around me and not let go until the fear subsided. It asks if she would “come and comfort me” even though I had no perceivable reasons for the need.
Sometimes this desire was so overwhelming it felt as if I was asking her to “lasso the moon for me”. I knew that my demands for comfort and attention were excessive and probably didn’t make sense to her, but at the time, it felt as if she was the only one who could “calm my stormy seas”.
Then the piece transitions to the beauty and bliss I would feel in her arms. “Then the sun will shine just for me”. It was as if the world stood still as I “bathed in a pool of her serenity and basked in the light of her love”. If you’ve ever been in love, you know the feeling: it’s a bit drunk and dizzy – almost like you’re floating and nothing else seems to matter in that moment.
In the next section I acknowledge my selfishness because I know it would be unfair for her to sacrifice any of her dreams for me, so I ask, “Will you follow every star, yet leave a trail to where you are?” so that I could still find her when I needed her. I just wanted to know that if she needed to go, she would invite me to come along.
And because anxiety is cyclical, I once again ask her to comfort me, but the musical ending is different and more hopeful this time with a surprise A-major chord.
On a very personal note – not that this entire piece isn’t personal – I want to share that my anxiety was misdiagnosed for years. Once I was finally diagnosed, it took a long time before we found the right medication and the right dosage. I am thrilled to say that now, for the first time in my life, anxiety doesn’t stop me from doing the things
I love any more. I still need affection and comfort, but the feeling of desperation is gone and all that remains is love and peace.
For my wife, it never mattered why I needed comfort – only that I needed it. She has always been there for me through the best of times and the worst. She loves me unconditionally and if I had one wish, it would be that the rest of the world had a love like mine.
- Sherry Blevins
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